Mrs. Teabody Meets Grief











Kristy L. Richards, PhD, MD, Incomparable human being


The Changing Path

I always walk this path on days
When I just want routine,
Predictability,
The sense of safety that comes with the familiar, the known
An unquestionable firmness underfoot.

My walk begins in comfort:
A flat stretch into a long, gentle mound
A curve through woods with no fright in them
A less gentle but forgiving decline then
Civilized on the right by fenced back yards and purposeful dogs
On the left a verdant bank, perfect for sliding
And there, straight ahead, as steadfast as ever
The sweep and bump and height of blue mountains
Against an even bluer sky.

Caught up in my history
With this familiar and beloved horizon,
I put one foot in front of another
Breathe the crisp air
Hear birds peep and distant motors racing.
I move on.

Today, this last day in March
I wake to words I never wanted
To hear or read in my lifetime.
Crisp. Black. Heavy.
" . . . at 11:40 last night . . ." 

Time becomes irrelevant
But somehow passes anyway.
Night stumbles in
While anger and disbelief,
Defeat and regret
Hold some circus inside my head.

It is not yet dawn
When I allow my eyes to look on the world.
My head cannot hold my thoughts
The painful throb in my chest of the last few days
of continuous worry
Are nothing
Compared with the monumental grief of knowing you are no more. . .
" . . .at 11:40 last night . . ."


Time compresses.
The indoors stifle.
I crave routine - -
Anything that cancels this new reality.

The drive to the path is a blur.
Tears.
I hear my heart pound
I hear my breath labor.

At last the path is under my feet.
But today I find it changed.
The way now seems uneven,
Unpredictable,
Lined with questions that spell out danger, fear.
My feet feel the asphalt beneath them shift.
Loss shoves me from behind and leaves me broken.
You are no more.
***
I plod on.
And then right around the time dawn is breaking,
There she is: morning Venus winking
And then I see - - not sick, not struggling
A smile I've loved nearly four decades:
It is our own shining star - -
Down to earth as donuts
Mind like Mercury
Believer in Truth
In fairness
In kindness
In using your talents
In doing your best.
In giving your best . . .
She's smiling.
***
The path lies just ahead
Nothing in the way.
A flat stretch
Into a long, gentle mound
I move on, trying my best . . .
You are with me always.
You are with me always.



Comments

  1. darciApril 3, 2019 at 4:50 PM

    I can’t even grasp this, hearts are aching all over the world tonight at the loss of this beautiful human who gave so much

    ReplyDelete
  2. SandyApril 4, 2019 at 5:18 AM

    This is absolutely beautiful and brings me to tears .

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownApril 4, 2019 at 1:05 PM

    Words fall short. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    ReplyDelete

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