Mrs. Teabody Continues her Quest for Truth

An acquaintance of long-standing, FactFree Frankenfurter visited my little tea emporium last week. He's a droll character and as smug and self-satisfied a man as one would ever hope to encounter.  FactFree Frankenfurter is that rarest of birds in this 21st century: the Know-It-ALL (ba-dump-bump). Now, never you mind that FactFree does not read a newspaper, has his television set tuned to one channel only and leaves it on 24/7 so it never cools down. He is a man long on opinions but a man short on facts. This is how our conversation went:

"Why are you closing the store for a couple days this week?" FactFree asked.

"Oh, I'm going to the New York gift show to look for new merchandise. You know I go twice a year."

"You're going BACK up to THAT city? How can you stand to be around all them foreigners?" he asked.

"Oh,  you might say that's part of the reason I do go.  'Them foreigners' as you call them are artists and artisans from all over the world: the UK, South America, Australia, Israel, Africa . . .  I want to see what people are creating. I always meet the nicest 'foreigners' . That's one of my favorite parts of going."

"Buncha terrorists . . ."

"Who's that? People who make jewelry or clothing or the ones who make cast iron mice? You think of them as terrorists? How so?"

"I have my reasons. You're taking a big chance, Missy. They blew up them buildings."

"Are you talking about the events of September 11 2001, FactFree?  Pretty sure, I'll be safe among artists and artisans.  They MAKE stuff -- not destroy stuff. And they're not usually known for being combative. I have been going to the gift show in New York City twice a year for about fifteen years. I spend a couple of days in a building that can hold roughly five thousand people and you know what? I've never heard so much as a raised voice. . ."

FactFree butted in: "New Yorkers are rude."

"And you're basing that opinion on what? Have you ever been to New York?"

"No, I didn't leave anything up there."

"How do you know they're rude then? Now, I just told you that I have actually made somewhere close to thirty trips to New York City in the past fifteen years. I have BEEN THERE. And I have been treated very kindly. Do you think there are no rude people here in our town?"

"Not like there. . . And why are you always flying off  to England? Getting on a plane. Woman took a peacock on a plane last week."

"Well, there again, I don't believe she did, FactFree. I believe she WANTED to but was not allowed."

"Planes aren't safe. It's unnatural. Pilots are all drunk. "

"Pilots are ALL Drunk, are they? Have you ever been on a plane, FactFree?"

"No, and I never will be. All cramped up and people dragging all manner of animals inside. Probably stinks to high heaven."

"What if I told you that has not been my experience?"

"I'd say you're just damn lucky. And why do you go to England? The food is terrible there."

"Have you ever been to England, FactFree? They have probably the best cheeses I have ever eaten in my life. Wonderful bread, delicious scones. The most creative soups I've ever seen anywhere. . . ."

"Well, now you're just being ridiculous. My uncle was there during the war and he said the food wasn't fit to eat."

"The WAR? The WAR? You mean the one that ended in 1945? You realize that was more than 70 years ago, right?'

"Why do YOU hafta know everything?" he bellowed.

"Why don't YOU want to know the truth about anything?" I bellowed back. "And I don't know everything. I don't know half, not a quarter, not even ten per cent . . . but  I do try to deal in facts. If someone puts "peacock" and "service animal" in the same sentence, I AM curious."

"If I read or hear something that sounds hard to believe, I start searching for the truth. If I see hear something that is easy to believe but hateful, I want to find out the motivation for the hatred. I read newspaper articles, check the airline's official position. . . and I also rely on my personal experience. I actually have a friend who owns a "service animal" who gets on the plane with him. I actually sat across the aisle on a plane once with a strapping large man -- probably a football player - -who had a chihuahua inside a very expensive crate sitting  on the seat next to him. The man had purchased a ticket for the animal-- probably set him back at least $500. So I know that the practice of flying with a service animal exists. But be realistic. You can't put a peacock inside a cage and expect the cage to fit INSIDE the passenger section of an airplane."

"Why, you see that now: you just said yourself you've seen people drag animals on board . . ."

"DOG. I said DOGS. Tame dogs. Big difference. But let's get back to first-hand experience versus idle speculation. What if I said I thought FactFree Frankenfurter is PROBABLY a child molester since he comes from an area where child abuse is well above the national average?"

"Now you take that back. You KNOW that's not true. . ."

"What if I said I HEARD it from someone?"

"But you didn't. . ."

"What if I said I heard it on television? Now THIS is what I actually did hear on television: 'Some  rural areas have a high incidence of child abuse.'  Since you are a male and from a rural area, can't I just ASSUME that you are a child molester ?"

Red-faced and angry, he retorted, "Now you take that back. You know me. You know that's not true."

"Calm down, FactFree. No, I  don't think for one minute that you are a child molester. You have always acted like a gentleman around me and I have no REASON to BELIEVE that you would ever act in an inappropriate manner. I simply want to show you how easy it is to ASSUME something if and when you don't take the time to gather the actual FACTS."

"But I hear the facts on television," he retorted.

"Sometimes you do, but when you listen to people on television, you need to separate real news from information that is being presented with a particular bias. Let me show you something I just read. This is directly from a police log: "Three people as yet unidentified were flown from the scene of an accident on Interstate 81 at 5:00 P.M. this afternoon. Got that?"


"Now if I want to increase readership, I might post a headline like this. "Fiery crash on deadly Interstate leaves motorists stalled for hours."

"Yeah, that is lots more interesting. I like the second article," he said.  He caught himself. "I see that look. What's wrong?"

"Shall we start with the word 'Fiery'? Does anything in the police log say the vehicle or vehicles burst into flames?"

"Well, no. But probably they did . . ."

"Does the police log say anyone died?"

"No, but I assume they did. Don't you?"

"What did we just say about ASSUMING things? What this headline says is 'Deadly Interstate'. So people have died but not necessarily the three people in the accident. Now how do we find out about the fate of those three people? "

"How do we?"

"We read newspaper accounts--not tabloid news that go for big, dramatic headlines. Newspapers with integrity where the person who writes the story MUST deal in FACTS. Real journalism goes to the story itself, to the people involved and it cites credible sources: those who can give first-hand accounting of what actually took place. That is the single best source--the person who was actually there.

"Have a look at this tabloid front page. What catches your eye?"

"Well, the girl, of course. What are 'washing up sponges' "?

"Just sponges, little rectangular sponges. Now does anything about this headline make you think the story might not be true? Use common sense. Think."

"Probably not true. It's pretty weird. Are there baseball stats in this paper?" he asked shuffling pages.

"Not the point, FactFree. The point is you must find reliable sources for what you believe. And if and when you know the truth, you must defend it. Now there are thousands, millions of things I DON'T know but here is what I do know for sure: there are people from all over the world who are exactly the same as you and me. Exactly. A teenager in Nepal has hopes and dreams just like a teenager in America; folks in both Thailand and the Heartland work hard for a better life. New Yorkers are neither ruder nor kinder than people anywhere else. If we must ASSUME, then let's ASSUME the best."

"Do you think she ate four thousand sponges?" he asked.

"Not only do I not know, but I don't care. You shouldn't either."

FactFree just stood there quietly. Then he spoke, "So you're actually going up to New York City?"

" I am," I answered.

"Well, don't blame me if you get killed." And just like that, he was gone.